We've got three months to go before the summer movie season begins, but that hardly means there won't be anything to watch. I'll do my best to help you save your hard earned cash by telling you what movies are worth shelling out for, & which ones to avoid. (Note: by clicking on the name of the listed films you will be redirected to the trailer, a clip from the film, or the listed movie's imdb page).
10 Films to Watch:
Cedar Rapids (February 11th-limited release)-A former member of the “Black List” of top unproduced screenplays, Rapids stars Ed Helms (“The Office,” “The Hangover”) as a naïve insurance agent attending a convention where he runs into John C. Reilly, Anne Heche, Rob Corddry, Sigourney Weaver, Red from “That 70’s Show”, Maeby from “Arrested Development”, & Senator Clay Davis of “The Wire.”* If that cast doesn’t make you want to see it than the trailer surely will (it even includes a “Wire” reference!)
*If you have not yet seen “Arrested Development” or “The Wire” any thoughts you have on television are moot because your opinion is so ridiculously uneducated that it has no worth. Now stop reading & go watch them.
Rango (March 4th)-The director of the “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies, the writer of “Gladiator,” the voices of Johnny Depp, Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”), Isla Fisher (“Wedding Crashers”), & Bill Nighy (“Love Actually” & “Shaun of the Dead”) bring us the story of a chameleon who becomes sheriff in an old-west town.
Battle: Los Angeles (March 11th)-Just an ok cast, & the people behind the camera haven’t really done anything but… Look at the trailer! It’s awesome! Ok… Ok… an awesome trailer doesn’t mean an awesome movie (see “Watchmen” & most Michael Bay movies) but still… That’s an awesome trailer!
Paul (March 18th)-About a year ago I heard Simon Pegg & Nick Frost (“Shaun of the Dead” & “Hot Fuzz”, or two of the greatest comedies of all-time) were making another movie together. Naturally this got me really excited. When I later found out that the two of them were playing British comic-book geeks who pick up an alien (voiced by Seth Rogen) outside area 51 I got so excited I had to change my underwear.
Win Win (March 18th-limited release)-Paul Giamatti (“Sideways”, “Cinderella Man”), who somehow remains underrated despite having been called that for the last ten years, plays a lawyer who moonlights as a high school wrestling coach & then… a bunch of other stuff happens. All you need to know is that it’s from the writer/director of “The Station Agent” & “The Visitor” (I haven’t seen those either, but they’re supposed to be really good. Also he helped make up the story for “Up”) & co-stars Amy Ryan (“The Wire,” Holly from “The Office) & Jeffery Tambor (“Arrested Development”). *
*Like I’m not going to pick a movie w/ cast members from both those shows?
The Beaver (March 23rd-limited release)-The script by “Lone Star”* creator Kyle Killen was atop the aforementioned “Black List” a few years back as the top unclaimed screenplay. Now it’ll be Mel Gibson’s attempted comeback vehicle as he stars as a troubled man trying to win back his family (after making drunken anti-Semitic remarks no doubt) with the help of a Beaver hand-puppet. The movie co-stars Jodie Foster (who’s also directing), Anton Yelchin (“Terminator Salvation”), & Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”).
*"Lone Star" was the best new network show this last fall but, because it received dismal ratings as people were to busy watching “The Event” or waiting for “Hawaii Five-O” to come on, it was cancelled after only two episodes. Thanks a lot America!
Super* (April 1st)-James Gunn, the writer of “Slither” (the best horror/comedy not named “Shaun of the Dead”), brings us a movie where Rainn Wilson (Dwight from “The Office”) plays a superhero, Ellen Page (“Juno”) is his sidekick, & Kevin Bacon is the drug dealer who steals Wilson’s wife. If that weren’t enough it’s said to contain over-the-top violence & cameos from Nathan Fillion (“Castle,” “Firefly) & Linda Cardellini (“Freaks and Geeks**”).
*IFC Midnight is releasing Super, hence you will be more likely to find it on your TV’s on demand section than in theaters.
**The Judd Apatow produced show that introduced Seth Rogen, James Franco, & Jason Segel. The most accurate portrayal of high school in television history it only lasted one season, but damn if it isn't a good one.
Source Code (April 1st)-Jake Gyllenhaal (Jaaaaaaake! Sorry, I had to get that out. Wait, what? Why would you think I’m gay?) is a soldier using an experimental government program that allows him to re-inhabit the last 8 minutes of another man’s life to figure out who was responsible for a train bombing. Will the movie co-starring Michelle Monaghan (“Gone Baby Gone”) & Vera Farmiga (“The Departed”) simply be a remake of “Déjà Vu” with white people, or something more? With Duncan Jones, son of David Bowie, directing this as his follow up to his critically acclaimed debut film “Moon” I’m betting on the latter.
Your Highness (April 8th)-Danny McBride & James Franco bring the stoner humor that worked so well in “Pineapple Express” to the middle ages as brothers who must set out on a quest to save a damsel in distress, Zoeey Deschanel of “(500) Days of Summer,”* with the help of an attractive female warrior (Natalie Portman).
*That’s a really good movie, one of the top 3 romantic-comedies of all-time.
Scream 4 (April 15th)-SCREAM! YES! Admittedly I’m biased towards this movie because the original “Scream” is my all-time horror flick (you can’t beat that opening scene) & it features two of my biggest television crushes (Alison Brie from “Community” & Adam Brody of “The OC.” Relax it’s just a man-crush… Don’t judge me!). Thankfully Kevin Williamson who penned the first two “Screams” wrote the screenplay & Wes Craven, Neve Campbell, Courtney Cox, & David Arquette are all back. In addition a younger cast has also been introduced, to set up a whole new trilogy (YES!), featuring Emma Roberts (“It’s Kind of a Funny Story”), Hayden Panettiere (“Heroes”) & that Culkin from “Signs.” I can’t wait!*
*When this turns out to be terrible forget everything you just read.
Hall Pass (February 25th)-Owen Wilson & Jason Sudeikis (“Saturday Night Live”) get a one week pass to cheat on their wives, played by Jenna Fischer (Pam from “The Office”) & Christina Applegate (“Anchorman”). My main issue with the film is the plot-how could any middle aged man not named George Clooney think they could do better than those two women (Damn the man to hell who cheats on Pam)? However the Farrelly brothers did direct one of my all-time favorites in “There’s Something About Mary,” & with Stephen Merchant (co-creator of the UK “Office”) & Richard Jenkins (“Step Brothers”) in tow I’ll give this one a shot.
Take Me Home Tonight (March 4th)-It’s 1988 & Topher Grace (“That 70s Show”) is a college grad whose inability to commit to anything in life has left him working at the local movie store but who gets off his ass to pursue his high school dream girl at a Labor Day weekend party. I’m not gonna lie, I’m a big Topher fan from both “70s Show” & the underrated “In Good Company” so I’m hoping this is good. Topher will be aided in his quest by his sister, Anna Farris (“Scary Movie 1, 2, 3, 4”), & best friend, Dan Fogler (“Balls of Fury”), & hindered by his dad, Michael Biehn (“Terminator”).
Sucker Punch (March 25th)-A young woman (Emily Browning, “The Uninvited”) is put in an institution by her stepfather. There, along with the other captive girls, she retreats to an alternative reality, 1st as a coping mechanism, and then as a way to envision an escape. Sounds crazy right? Well when you consider it’s from the mind of Zack Snyder (director of “300” & “Watchmen”), it might make some sense. Unlike those previous movies though this one sprang entirely from Snyder’s mind so it will be interesting to see if he can pull it off completely (if he can than I’ll look dumb for leaving this off the 10 to see). At the very least though it will be visually stunning (& I don’t just mean special effects wise w/ (Jamie Chung, Vanessa Hudgens, Jenna Malone, & Abbie Cornish co-starring).*
*Jon Hamm of “Mad Men” & “The Town” fame is also in it. Yay!
Hanna (April 8th)- Saoirse Ronan (“The Lovely Bones”) teams back up with her “Atonement” director (Joe Wright) as a 16-year-old girl who was raised by her father (Eric Bana*, “Munich,” or for those of you who skipped that masterpiece, “Troy”) to be the perfect assassin & who is now in a fight for her life across Europe against a coldblooded intelligence agent (Cate Blanchet, “The Bad Indiana Jones Movie”) & her operatives. Spoiler: from the trailer it seem pretty clear Ronan’s character was genetically engineered.
*Eric Bana’s awesome.
Apollo 18 (April 22nd)-Plot: Decades-old found footage from an abandoned NASA mission to the moon reveals the existence of alien life.
Tagline: There’s a Reason We’ve Never Gone Back to the Moon
1 Movie So Odd It Must Be Good:
Rubber (April 1st)-This is either a movie involving a mishap with a condom, or one about an abandoned tire named Robert that goes around killing people with his telepathic powers. If you guessed the latter you're right!
10 to Avoid:
Sanctum (February 4th)-Made by & starring a bunch of nobodies this movie is only getting publicity because it’s produced by the guy who brought you “The Last Fern Gully Featuring Smurfs”.
Just Go With It (February 11th)-What’s impressive about Adam Sandler’s resume over the last 5 years isn’t his movies (save “Funny People” they’ve been unbelievably lazy & unfunny films) but the women he convinces studios to pay him to make out with (Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Sloan from “Entourage”, Salma Hayek, & now Brooklyn Decker).
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never (February 11th)-I’ll say I’m never going to see this.
Big Mommas: Like Father, Like Son (February 18th)-Did you know in 1999 Martin Lawrence starred in 2 decent movies in one year (“Life” & “Blue Streak”)? I really wish God would save his miracles for more important things.
Drive Angry 3D (February 25th)-Who wants to pay $12 to see the latest from Nic Cage & the writing/directing team that brought you “My Bloody Valentine?”
Red Riding Hood (March 11th)-Quick intelligence test: When the director of “Twilight” & the writer of “Orphan” team up do you see that movie? Man, if you even had to think about this…
Madea’s Big Happy Family (April 22nd)-Tyler Perry almost makes me want to be racist. Can any African-American explain to me why his movies make millions? Honestly I’d like to know.
Born to Be a Star (April 22nd)-Nick Swardson (“The Comebacks”) plays a nerdy Iowan who finds out his parents were porn stars in the 70s so naturally he moves to Hollywood to follow in their footsteps-that’s the kind of logic you get from an Adam Sandler script these days. If you read this description & thought, “What’s this dumb-ass talking about, this movie sounds great!” then please understand you’re the type of person that makes the plot of “Idiocracy” disturbingly plausible.
Fast Five (April 29th)-Dwayne Johnson joins Paul Walker & a shaved guerilla for the 5th “Fast and Furious” movie. How did we ever let it get this far?
Any Animated Movie (besides Rango) in 3D-To be clear I’m not encouraging you to see Rango in 3D, or any movie ever (if a live action movie is in 3D chances are that means it’s crap, “The Last Fern Gully Featuring Smurfs” being the exception), but if you’re going to overpay for a movie at least make sure it’s a good one. “Gnomeo and Juliet” (amazingly I did not make that title up) will not be a good one.
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