It’s the summer! Which means we’ll all be barraged with blockbuster movies, most of which will be mediocre (In fact we already got the mediocre “Hangover 2”!). That’s why I’m here to help you save your hard earned cash by telling you what movies are worth shelling out for (If you had any interest in “Thor”, “Bridesmaids” or “Everything Must Go” I’d recommend them as solid movies) & which ones to avoid.1 (Note: by clicking on the name of the listed films you will be redirected to the trailer, a clip from the film, or the listed movie's imdb page.)
1 I’m ignoring two movies, Harry Potter 8 & Transformers 3, entirely because you all know about them & whether or not you want to see them, nothing I tell you is going to overly influence you. I’d much rather tell you about smaller films you might miss otherwise (like the time I said on facebook that “The Hurt Locker” was a “film [that] could very well slip under your radar, judging by the trailer I'd advise you to not let that happen.” Of course no one read my post & they were all confused when some movie they’d never hear of beat The Last Fern Gully Featuring Smurfs for Best Picture.).
First however lets take a quick look back at what I got right, & wrong, with the spring movie preview:
Genius-“Cedar Rapids,” “Rango,” “Source Code,” & “Scream 4” were indeed the highlights of spring. Sure none of them were fantastic but they were all clever & entertaining (Some people may disagree on “Scream 4” but these people are mostly not big fans of the franchise as I am). In addition most of the movies I said to avoid were indeed terrible (I didn’t see them but they were almost all universally panned by critics).
Idiot-I recommended some pretty mediocre films (“Battle: LA” & “Your Highness) but my biggest miss was advising people to ignore “Fast Five.” Yes, the writing &, especially, acting was as terrible as I imagined, but the fifth installment of the franchise fully embraced its inherent cheesiness2 & amped up the stunts to a whole new level giving us one of the most entertaining movies of the year.
2 My favorite parts: Anything The Rock said & the fact he was dripping sweat the entire movie regardless of what he was doing; Paul Walker & the gorilla jumping off a huge cliff, failing to produce parachutes, & inexplicably surviving without any injuries; the rest of the crew showing up to an abandoned warehouse in Rio without, apparently, any idea why they’re there; & the Oscar worthy scene where Walker & Diesel discuss their fathers. I can’t wait to use this movie as a drinking game.
Now, finally, onto the summer preview!
10 Films to Watch:
What it’s about: This prequel to the previous X-Men films tells the story of the creation the X-Men & how Charles “Professor X” Xavier (James McAvoy, “Wanted”) & Erik “Magneto” Lensherr (Michael Fassbender, “Inglourious Basterds”) became friends by joining forces against a common enemy, & how their differing world views eventually drove them apart.
Why you should see it: I went to the midnight showing & while failing to reach the series’ high-water mark of “X2” it’s one of the stronger super hero movies thanks in large part to the fantastic, though not unexpected, work of McAvoy & Fassbender. McAvoy perfectly balances Xavier’s intelligence & wisdom with the immaturity & hubris he has not quite lost in his youth, &, as many critics have accurately noted, the first 40 minutes serve as a superb audition for Fassbender as the next James Bond. Also this likely the only X-Men film you’ll get to see the real Jennifer Lawrence (“Winter’s Bone”) as opposed to the blue Mystique version.
What it’s about: In the summer of 1979 Joe Lamb (newcomer Joel Courtney) is filming a movie with his friends in their small Ohio town when they witness a massive train wreck, unleashing a mysterious force. As a series of unexplained events plague the town & the army moves in Joe & his friends, as well as his Deputy father (Kyle Chandler, “Friday Night Lights”), attempt to discover what is really going on.
Why you should see it: This is my most anticipated movie of the summer (& nothing else is really close). I mean have you seen the trailer?! Ok, so “Transformers 2” had a good trailer as well, but this movie is directed by J.J. Abrams (“Star Trek,” “Lost”) & some dude named Steven Spielberg is producing. Plus Coach Taylor is in it! If you don’t know who that is then you need to see this movie just to make it up to Kyle Chandler for not watching “Friday Night Lights.” Doesn’t hurt that Courtney & Elle Fanning (yes, she is Dakota’s younger sister) have received rave reviews for their performances.
What it’s about: Owen Wilson & Rachel McAdams reprise their roles from “Wedding Crashers” as they travel to Paris for another raunchy adventure. Ok, so that’s not what this Woody Allen film is actually about. Instead Wilson plays a discontented writer who goes to Paris with his fiancée (McAdams) & her parents. While there he discovers a mysterious happening that allows him to enter 1920s Paris after midnight, or something like that.
Why you should see it: I’ve only seen one of Woody Allen’s movies, “Vicky Cristina Barcelona,” but it was really good (I’m a sucker for movies with clever dialogue, if you can only watch movies where things exploder or there are vampires this will not be for you) & this one has drawn fantastic reviews. Also the greatest Tony Blair impersonator in the world (Michael Sheen, “Frost/Nixon,” not related to Charlie) gets to play a douche & the exquisite, & exceptionally talented, Marion Cotillard (“Inception”) is Wilson’s post-curfew guide.
3 While the Loft plays the smaller, more obscure, indie films (otherwise known as the ones you’ll never see, or likely hear of), El Con gets the more mainstream indies (the ones that will often win Oscars, for example “No Country for Old Men” & “The Hurt Locker,” & then I’ll mock you if you haven’t seen them) that other theaters only show if the movies prove to be overwhelming successful.
What it’s about: Ewan McGregor (“Big Fish”) plays Oliver, a graphic designer who falls for the beautiful & impetuous Anna (Mélanie Laurent, “Inglourious Basterds”) only months after his father, Hal, (Christopher Plummer, “Up”) died. This causes him to reflect on the latter years he spent with his father who, after his mother died, came out as a gay man before being diagnosed with cancer, causing them to become closer than ever before.
Why you should see it: The cast. McGregor’s almost always charming & when called upon can be mush more; Plummer’s been submitting exceptional supporting performances dating all they way back to his work as Captain Von Trapp in “The Sound of Music;” Laurent was the second best thing about “Basterds” (after Christoph Waltz’s Hans Landa), & there were a lot of great things about that movie. It doesn’t hurt that this has also been drawing fantastic reviews. After "Super 8" this is the movie I have the best feeling about.
What it’s about: Three buddies (Jason Bateman, “Juno,” Charlie Day, “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia,” & Jason Sudeikis, “Hall Pass”) decide to off their bosses when they realize they’re preventing them from happiness.
Why you should see it: Bateman’s deadpan humor should be a perfect fit with Day’s zaniness, the bosses (Kevin Spacey, “American Beauty4,” Jennifer Aniston, “Friends,” & Colin Farrell, “S.W.A.T.5”) are all more than capable comedians (No really, Aniston could actually be funny on “Friends”), the plot leaves open a lot of possibilities. Plus Jamie Foxx (“Law Abiding Citizen”) plays a character named Motherfucker Jones.
4 “American Beauty” is my 2nd favorite movie of all-time (“Saving Private Ryan” is first, “Almost Famous” is third). The movie, & Spacey’s performance, are incredible.
5 “S.W.A.T. is one of my favorite stupid action movies. It’s got decent leads in Farrell & Samuel L. Jackson, a good partner turned villain in future 2-time Oscar nominee Jeremy Renner, a couple of good action sequences & two things I found hilarious when I watched it last week: Jackson’s character is named Hondo (love that name) & when they need to commandeer a vehicle at the end of the movie the SWAT team takes a limo filled with kids going to prom.
What it’s about: An eccentric Irish policeman (Brendan Gleeson, “In Bruges”) teams up with an uptight FBI agent (Don Cheadle, “Hotel Rwanda”) to stop an international drug smuggling ring.
Why you should see it: Beyond Gleeson, Cheadle, & likely bad guy Mark Strong (“Sherlock Holmes”) all being awesome is that the movie is written & directed by the brother of the writer/director of the fucking brilliant “In Bruges”-seriously it’s 5am & I’m tempted to go watch it right now.
What it’s about: It’s 1873 in Arizona and a posse of Cowboys must stop an alien invasion.
Why you should see it: Writer Alex Kurtzman (“Star Trek”) has said, “Imagine you’re watching “Unforgiven”6 and the aliens from “Alien” land.” Now that’s a movie I want to see (If that seems silly just remember come July 29th that you paid 3 times to see movies about robots that transform into cars). Behind the camera we’ve got Jon Favreau (“Iron Man”) directing & Kurtzman, Damon Lindelof (“Lost”) & the rest of the Star Trek writing team working on it. In front we’ve got James Bind (Daniel Craig) & Indiana Jones (Harrison Ford) teaming up along with former #1 on “Maxim’s Hot 100”, Olivia Wilde, & a score of great supporting actors (Sam Rockwell, Paul Dano, & Walter Goggins to name a few).
6In case you’ve never seen “Unforgiven” just know that it won best picture & starred Clint Eastwood, Morgan Freeman, & Gene Hackman. So yea, it was alright.
What it’s about: Cal Weaver (Steve Carell, “The Office”) learns his wife (Julianne Moore, “Hannibal”) is cheating on him leading him to seek help from white Hitch (Ryan Gosling, “The Notebook” & a whole lot of better movies).
Why you should see it: If you lack a Y chromosome did I mention Ryan Gosling is in it? If you’re not a double X than I should tell you Emma Stone (“Easy A”) is in it. If you care about things besides looks than I should remind you that Ryan Gosling is one of the best actors working today, that Steve Carell is Steve Carell, & Moore & Stone are both extremely talented actresses. The directors also happened to be the writers of “Bad Santa” so I imagine they know a good script when they see one.
What it’s about: Two criminals (Danny McBride, “Pineapple Express,” & Nick Swarsdon, all the terrible Adam Sandler movies) kidnap a pizza delivery guy named Nick (Jesse Eisenberg, “The Social Network7”), strap a bomb to his chest, & tell his he has only hours to rob a bank. With his life on the line Nick & his ex-best friend (Aziz Ansari, “Parks & Recreation8”) must rob a bank while averting the police, hired assassins, and flamethrowers.
Why you should see it: The last time Eisenberg & director Ruben Fleischer teamed up we got “Zombieland,” that along with the comedic power of McBride & Ansari make this the must see comedy of the summer.
7 “The Social Network” was robbed for Best Picture &, especially, Best Director this past year. It’s the best non-comedy of the last 5 years. That’s right, better than “The Dark Knight,” “Slumdog Millionaire,” “No Country for Old Men,” “The Departed,” & “Children of Men.”
8 “Parks & Rec” is the best comedy on TV, if you don’t watch it start right now on Netflix (it doesn’t get real good till season 2 so I’ll forgive you if you skip the 6 episode first season).
What it’s about: Ned (Paul Rudd, “I Love You, Man”) is an overly nice/naïve guy who gets sent to jail after selling pot to an in uniform policeman. Upon being released early for good behavior Ned heads home to find his girlfriend has left & taken his dog with her. With no job or home Ned spends time living with each of his three sisters (Elizabeth Banks, “Role Models,” Zooey Deschanel, “(500) Days of Summer9, ” & Emily Mortimer, “Lars and the Real Girl”).
Why you should see it: Paul Rudd is my favorite comedic actor right now & when you throw in the rest of the cast including Adam Scott (“Party Down10” & “Parks & Rec”) & Rashida Jones (“The Office” & “Parks & Rec”) as Deschanel’s lesbian partner & it’s difficult for me to imagine this movie not being good.
9 “(500) Days of Summer” is fantastic, easily in the romantic comedy hall of fame along with “Love Actually,” “Jerry Maguire,” “As Good as It Gets” & “Stranger Than Fiction.”
10 I know I’ve been recommending a lot of things, but if there’s one thing you actually listen to me on let it be this: watch “Party Down”! Literally no one saw it because it was on Starz (my brother & I are the only people I know who watched it while it was on) but its two seasons are essentially a brilliant combination of “The Office” & the Apatow movies. Netflix it now.
Honorable Mention:
Director Terrence Malick’s (“The Thin Red Line”) look at the journey of life features both a broad (the creation of the universe) & a narrow focus (a 1950’s Midwestern family, with Brad Pitt as the patriarch, & the eldest son as a grown man, played by Sean Penn). The film has been universally called visually stunning, no surprise based off the trailer, but story wise has failed to make a connection with some viewers.
I love Pixar; I think their last 3 movies were masterpieces (“Up” is my favorite animated movie of all time), but another “Cars”? Really, they had to make a sequel to the one mediocre movie they ever made? Do I really need to hear Mater (Larry the Dumbass Guy) crack more terrible jokes? Still it is Pixar & they’ve added the voice of Michael Caine so there’s some hope.
Mila Kunis & Justin Timberlake reenact “No Strings Attached,” the Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher film of earlier this year about two friends trying to have a relationship based solely on sex (because of course that will work). So wait… Why is this an honorable mention? Well it’s from the same director as last year’s more than solid “Easy A,” it has the always fun Woody Harrelson & Patricia Clarkson in supporting roles, & neither of the lead characters seems to be as emotionally shut off as Portman’s character appeared to be. Mostly though I just prefer Kunis & Timberlake to those other two.11
11 This is a major point of contention between my brother & I-he finds Portman more eye-catching than Kunis, while I think Kunis is easily more attractive. Yes, we both are big fans of “Black Swan.”
I’m a bit tired out from super hero movies already this summer (I enjoyed “Thor” & “X-Men” but two is really enough) but as a movie addict I’m sure to see both “The Green Lantern” & “Captain America.” Why “America” over “Lantern”? Basically “Lantern” looks silly to me & Ryan Reynolds is already a big star, it’s past time for Chris Evans to bust onto the A-list.
A dramedy about an oversized teen outcast making his way through high school. It features John C. Reilly as the vice-principal who reaches out to Terri & Creed Bratton (Creed from “The Office) as Terri’s uncle. Reviews have been generally positive, though the movie’s sense of humor seems to be hit or miss from person to person (I have a feeling it’ll be a hit for me).
A comedy from the writers of “The Hangover” & the director of “Wedding Crashers” starring two great comedians in Jason Bateman & Ryan Reynolds, how did this not make the ten? Well first that same director also did the underwhelming “Fred Claus” & those writers, prior to their big hit, gave us such comedic gems as Martin Lawrence’s “Rebound” & Matthew McConaughey’s “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past.” Plus doesn’t a body switch comedy just seem lazy? Still the potential is there.
After the Oscars why would anyone trust James Franco to test on chimpanzees? Isn’t it obvious he’d be too busy tweeting in the back of his lab to notice apes going around murdering people? Apparently not, so we end up with this re-launching of the franchise that would be a tough sell if not for a superb trailer & solid cast that in addition to Mr. Franco features the stunning Freida Pinto (“Slumdog Millionaire”) & Tom Felton (Malfoy from the “Harry Potter” films).
Well that’s it. I hope you enjoy this summer’s selection at the cinema & if you have any thoughts on the list, be they approval or outrage at my having left “Zookeeper” off the list, please post them below.
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