2014 World Cup: Round of 16

I've narrowed it down to 16, but who moves on now?

Yesterday I made my picks for who will escape group play in this year's World Cup, you can read those here, today I'm going to pick all of the elimination games. Of course if you read yesterday's piece you know I'm not making entirely straight forward picks. We've got Joseph's picks, which are reality driven, & Joe's picks, which are based on some combination of movies, non-soccer history, & pro-Africa bias. The smart money's on Joseph's picks, but this World Cup will be a lot more fun if Joe turns out to be right. Okay all this writing about my self (selves?) in the third person is starting to freak me out so let's just get to the predictions.

Round of 16

1A vs 2B

Joseph: I've got Brazil against Chile, an exciting match in which the winner will likely make a deep run. Interestingly they also faced off in the round of 16 four years ago with Brazil scoring a convincing 3-0 victory. They've played two friendlies since then, a 2-2 draw in Brazil & 2-1 Brazil victory in Canada. That draw might give Chile some encouragement but Brazil's not bowing out of their home tournament this early. Brazil 3, Chile 1

Joe: Wooh! "Brasil" versus Spain! The round of 16 just got a lot more exciting! The favorites against the defending champs! This is so crazy! Who to pick?! Well... City of God came out of "Brasil," & that's a fantastic movie. Spain produced Pan's Labyrinth which is supposed to be fantastic, but I haven't seen it. "Brasil" moves on! "Brasil" 2, Spain 1

1C vs 2D

Joseph: Colombia and Italy. These two have never played each other so this is all guess work. Italy is one of the toughest teams to score on & Colombia is missing a key striker, but still I'm going to lean towards the Colombians who were able to shutout both Argentina & the Netherlands in the last year (albeit both in draws). Columbia 1, Italy 0

Joe: I realized today that I never decided who won group D, out of England & Italy, but I'm eating pizza right now so let's go with Italy. That makes this Colombia v England. Colombia's given us copious amounts of drugs whereas England gave us the idea for The Office, & Harry Potter. Nothing against cocaine but I'll take the latter two. England 2, Colombia 1

1E vs 2 F

Joseph: France versus Bosnia-Herzegovina. BH is a team that's going to put pressure on you & you had better be able to keep up, I think France can. Being so high on France is a little scary, but few picks every feel safe in the World Cup. France 3, BH 2

Joe: France & Nigeria. I've been a fan of Nigeria ever since I caught them playing soccer when I was nine-years-old. They also could use a victory with the whole missing girls tragedy going on. That said The Da Vinci Code takes place in France, & I love that book. Plus France has given us romantic comedies that are both a lot of fun & very sweet. France 2, Nigeria 0

1G vs 2H

Joseph: Germany against Russia. These two haven't played since qualifying for the last World Cup but do you even care? Let's not waste time. Germany 2, Russia 0

Joe: Germany matches up against South Korea in a game everyone will surely pick Germany in. You know what, they're right. Germany may have lost two world wars but damn if they didn't try hard, meanwhile South Korea had to have the rest of the world fight their war for them. That's lazy. Germany 3, SK 0

1B vs 2A

Joseph: Spain faces off against Mexico. The truth is Mexico should just be happy they made it this far after nearly missing the World Cup entirely. At least this time, hopefully, their elimination won't involve a blatant offside. Spain 2, Mexico 0 

Joe: Chile vs. Mexico. This one is simple. Who won, the Mexican cartel or Chilean immigrant Gustavo "Gus" Fring? You're damn right. Chile 3 dollars, Mexico 1 peso 

1D vs 2C

Joseph: Uruguay against Ivory Coast. Yaya Toure and the rest of Ivory Coast would need to truly dominate the midfield to limit Suarez and the rest of the dangerous Uruguayan attack to win this one. Can't say I see it. Uruguay 3, Ivory Coast 1

Joe: Italy & the Ivory Coast. I like Ivory Coast, in World Cup 2010 they were one of my favorite teams to play with––they had so much speed. In World Cup 2014 though Drogba is slow, & I'm still eating pizza. Italy 2, Ivory Coast 1

1F vs 2E

Joseph: Argentina & Ecuador. These two faced off twice during World Cup qualifying with Argentina winning 4-0 the first time, & a 1-1 draw the second. There's little reason to believe Ecuador can hang with one of the favorites in this WorldCup. Argentina 4, Ecuador 1

Joe: Argentina against Switzerland. Listen guys, I might be a little crazy, but I'm not that crazy. Argentina 75, Switzerland -2

1H vs 2G

Joseph: Belgium vs. Portugal. Despite being the second place team in this matchup Portugal would be the betting favorite with the current face of international soccer heading their team, but I'm not sure about them. Ronaldo is undoubtedly great but how good is the rest of the team really? Meanwhile Belgium has an elite back line headed by Vincent Kompany & Jan Vertonghen, Eden Hazard is dangerous up the middle, & Thibaut Courtois may be the best goalie in the world. Belgium 2, Portugal 0

Joe: Belgium against the hope of Africa aka Ghana. All that stuff Joseph just said about Belgium is great, but come on... Ghana ain't going out against a team that's borderline top 10 at best. They're too good for that. You hear me?! Too good! Ghana 2, Belgium 1

To recap:

Joseph's Final 8: Brazil, Colombia, France, Germany, Spain, Uruguay, Argentina, Belgium

Joe's Final 8: "Brasil", England, France, Germany, Chile, Italy, Argentina, Ghana

As you can see Brazil, France, Germany, & Argentina are unanimous but that leaves half of the field up for disagreement. I don't want this to be too long so I'll post the rest of my picks later today or tomorrow. Seeya soon!