The Best of the Movies: January-April 2012

The gang from The Cabin in the Woods
are curious to see who the winners are.

The first 4 months of the year at your local cinema can be pretty sketchy. Some years are pretty solid & some are 2010, in which How to Train Your Dragon, Shutter Island, & Kick-Ass were the only legitimately good movies (unless of course you liked Alice in Wonderland) over that 4 month span. This year however there's been a bevy of good movies. I've seen 12 films this year & not one of them has been bad*, though admittedly that doesn't mean they've all been good. In honor of this overly strong opening, before we all get swallowed up in summer blockbuster euphoria with The Avengers opening tomorrow, I'm taking a look back & handing out some awards for the first third of the year.

*This omits a drunken test screening of "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" at Crossroads. That movie is absolutely as bad as you think it is, despite Idris Elba's livening up the film whenever he's on screen.



Best Ending: The Cabin in the Woods & Jeff, Who Lives at Home both have fantastic endings but nothing this year sticks with you quite like the end of the surprisingly good Liam Neeson vehicle The Grey (You can see the ending here). Between Neeson at his best, a beautifully moving score, and some mutherfuckin wolves the bar has been set for most powerful ending of 2012.

Luckiest Character: Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) in The Hunger Games. I'm not denying she's a bad-ass however she also gets bailed out by a half dozen other characters. Knife throwing girl saves her at the start of the games. Woody Harrelson bails her out from her fire wound. Rue* essentially saves her ass three times, first with the help of tracker jackers, then from them, & then the giant black guy from her district saves Katniss because of Rue. Rue's the freaking MVP. Then at the end Katniss doesn't no what to do before Peet's all but yells at her to shoot the sociopathic Aryan in the hand. Katniss ought to buy lottery tickets (the kind where you win money, not murder children) with the mad amount of luck she has.

*I'm sorry that Rue's being described as having "dark skin" confused some people as they surely pictured themselves after a good tanning cycle but she's black, & so in Cinna, deal with it racists.

Best Villain: There have been a number of good villains thus far but Dane DeHaan's work as awkward, tortured, Andrew Detmer in Chronicle (the best super hero movie of the last 2 years, until tomorrow at least) takes the cake. The best villains have depth (see Loki in Thor & The Avengers) & Andrew descent into evil is difficult to watch as we see him as a good person for much of the film before his insecurities & his father's abuse finally drive him over the edge.

Best Cameo: Johnny Depp in 21 Jump Street (he starred in the original 1980's show) is as surprising, funny, & well used, as any cameo in recent memory.

Movie That Was Exactly What the Preview Promised: I'm not sure I've ever seen a movie where I watched the preview & knew immediately who the bad the guy was & exactly how the movie would play out, or at least I hadn't until Safe House. This isn't to say Safe House is bad, it is anchored by strong performances from Ryan Reynolds & the great Denzel Washington after all, it just won't surprise you at all if you've ever seen a spy thriller before.

Best Couple: While I'm sure there are women out there who will argue to death that this belongs to Rachel McAdams & Channing Tatum for their work in the tear jerking The Vow, I prefer my couples to be funny rather than melodramatic so this award goes to Alison Brie & Chris Pratt in The Five-Year Engagement. Proving once & for all that marriage through one night stand pregnancy can absolutely work Brie & Pratt's characters understand & love each other, most importantly though they're not afraid to share that through Spanish love song.

Funniest Moment: With apologies to the fine work of Channing Tatum in 21 Jump Street, the last half hour of The Cabin in the Woods, & what I can only assume was a comedically revolutionary 90 minutes of people getting hit in the head with things in The Three Stooges, funniest moment goes to the Jason Segel/Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, The Muppets) combo's The Five-Year Engagement. I doubt anything will be funnier this year, or the next 5 years, than Emily Blunt & Alison Brie's* sisters having a very adult conversation in the voices of two Sesame Street characters.


*There's an argument to be made that I have an Alison Brie bias. I mean she is mentioned in basically every one of my non-football related posts... but to hell with you critics! She deserves these awards! She deserves them more than you deserve to live! 

Most Brotastic Movie: Normally there's a Hangover or Jackass film to take this title at the end of the year, but alas neither of those esteemed franchises has a movie coming out this year... Luckily we have Hangover director Todd Philips to keep the bros from rioting in the streets as he produced ultimate bro movie Project X. Featuring copious amounts of alcohol & drugs, a midget, a flamethrower, a guy getting tasered, a fat kid to make fun of, dogs humping, & most important of all, plenty of exploitive shots of women's breasts, Project X had everything a bro could ever ask for. In fact as I left the theatre I even overheard one say, "That's the best movie I've ever seen." Cool story bro.

Most Jaw Dropping Moment: I hate to keep apologizing to The Cabin in the Woods but this award must go to The Raid: Redemption. I'm not even sure which part to pick, just watch any fight seen in this movie (like this one, or this one), which puts Jackie Chan, Jet Li, & Jason Statham to shame, & you'll know why it had to win.

Best Use of a Unicorn: The Cabin in the Woods! You'll just have to see it to find out.


Best Picture: It wasn't a smash hit & it won't be nominated for anything at the Oscars or the Golden Globes but the Duplass brother's Jeff, Who Lives at Home has been the best thing I've seen this year. Jason Segel stars as 30-year-old Jeff who still, obviously, lives at home &, after watching Signs, becomes obsessed with following the signs in his own life to discover his destiny. Along the way he bumps into his brother (Ed Helms) who's going through marital troubles, while their mother (Susan Sarandon) has her own adventure, involving a secret admirer, at work. It's funny, subtle, surprising, & as the films reaches its crescendo, very moving.