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| My #1 movie to see this April/May |
*Technically May marks the beginning of the summer movie season in Hollywood but seeing as we (I'm assuming all my readers live in Arizona, if you don't I apologize for lumping you in with our lovely state) live in the real America, where in the span of a week "The Daily Show" & super awesome sitcom "Happy Endings" both take shots at your state for being racist, & not the left-wing elitist hell hole that is Hollywood I'm calling May what it is-a part of Spring.*
*To see a preview of the films click on their respective titles, & movies are listed in order of release date.
Five to See:
1. The Cabin in the Woods (April 13, otherwise known as Friday the 13th)
What it's about: Five twenty-something friends go on a vacation to a remote cabin in... you'll never guess it... the woods! On the plus side I don't think they all accidentally kill themselves "Tucker and Dale" style. On a less promising note even with Thor at their side they'll probably all get murdered. By what/whom & why though seem to be the interesting questions.
Why you should see it: If you're thinking, "A bunch of partying kids get murdered at a cabin out in the woods, like I haven't seen that before," than you're clearly missing the conceit. It's called freaking "Cabin in the Woods" for Pete's sake, obviously the writers know the basic concept is rote & it just so happens those writers are Joss Whedon, the writer/director extraordinaire who's been involved in everything from "Toy Story" to "Buffy" to the fourth movie on this list, & Drew Goddard (who also directed the movie), who worked with Whedon on "Buffy" as well as having written "Cloverfield" & a number of "Lost" episodes. These guys know what they're doing & advance buzz is that they've perfectly subverted the horror genre in a way not seen since the original "Scream." Also Thor's in it.
2. The Five-Year Engagement (April 27)
What it's about: A couple, the brilliant Jason Segel ("How I Met Your Mother," "The Muppets") & Mrs. John Krasinski-the charming Emily Blunt ("The Adjustment Bureau"), get engaged only to see life keep them from saying their vows for what I'm guessing will be approximately five years.
Why you should see it: Segel has written 2 movies previous to this. The first was directed by his buddy Nicholas Stoller & was "Forgetting Sarah Marshall," otherwise known as the best comedy of the last 5+ years ("The Hangover" can go suck a dick-which it would because it would think that'd be the funniest thing in the world). The second he co-wrote with Stoller & that turned out to be "The Muppets." This time around Stoller is pulling double duty having written it with Segel & then directing. Based on their past work alone I'd be willing to bet a fair amount of money (or even my life) that this will be better than the last film Segel & Blunt were coupled in, "Gulliver's Travels," but throw in 2 of TV's funniest performers, Chris Pratt ("Parks and Recreation") & the love of my life Alison Brie ("Community"), as Segel's best friend & Blunt's sister & we have the must see comedy of 2012.
3. The Pirates! Band of Misfits (April 27)
What it's about: A Pirate Captain who goes by "Pirate Captain" attempts, with the help of his not so terrifying crew, to win the Pirate of the Year Award for the first time over his nemeses Black Bellamy & Cutlass Lizz.
Why you should see it: The preview for this movie was the highlight of my "Jack and Jill" viewing experience (No amount of alcohol can make that movie bearable, let alone funny) & it's from the guys who brought you "Chicken Run" & "Wallace & Gromit" so it's safe to expect another clever claymation concoction (alliteration FTW!). Plus it's got a fantastic voice cast lead by Hugh Grant, & featuring Brendan Gleeson, Jeremy Piven, Salma Hayek, & David Tennant.
4. The Avengers (May 4)
What it's about: All the Marvel superheroes (Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, The Hulk etc.) team up to save the earth from Thor's devious little brother Loki.
Why you should see it: With so many superheroes thrown together there is certainly the risk of an overly convoluted story that doesn't properly service any of the characters, luckily the previously mentioned Joss Whedon wrote & directed so there's little worry of that happening. Also props to Whedon & co. for selecting Loki as the bad guy. Tom Hiddleston was the highlight of "Thor" as Loki was easily the most intriguing villain of those thus far presented in the Marvel film universe. Also more Scarlett Johansson in tight clothing!* It should be a lot of big budget fun.
*Let's not act like this is somehow sexist. There's a lot more eye candy for women in this movie.
5. Moonrise Kingdom (May 25)
What it's about: Two young (as in 10ish) lovers run away from their 1960s New England island town, prompting the creation of a search party led by the local sheriff (Bruce Willis) & the girl's parents (Bill Murray & Frances McDormand).
Why you should see it: Obviously this is a fantastic cast, which also includes Edward Norton, Tilda Swinton, Harvey Keitel, & Jason Schwartzman. In case you're counting that's 2 Oscar winners, & 3 nominees. In addition the movie was written & directed by master of dry wit, Wes Anderson who's previous work includes the modern classic "Royal Tenenbaums" & "The Fantastic Mr. Fox." The odds are certainly in its favor.
Bonus Foreign Films
The Raid: Redemption (April 13)
What it's about: A SWAT team in Indonesia enters a high rise tenement, filled with murderers, rapists, & thieves, at dawn to capture the crime lord on the top floor but when they are spotted they must fight their way up one floor at a time in order to survive.
Why you should see it: If you mind violence & gore steer clear, but if you're a fan of intricate & intense action then this is a movie for you. It's drawn largely rave reviews, being hailed as the best action movie in years with fight scenes that put every Hollywood film since "The Bourne Ultimatum" to shame.
The Intouchables (May 25)
What it's about: When a member of the French 1% becomes a paraplegic after a paragliding accident he hires a young African ex-con to be his caretaker.
Why you should see it: Based on a true story this movie was a hit in France & boasts an impressive 8.4 rating on imdb. However it has also drawn the ire of some for switching the race of the caretaker from Arabic to African & some have criticized it for the kind of stereotypes of race & class that were thrown at "The Blind Side" & "The Help" state side ("The Blind Side" was the far bigger offender in my book). Of course most people liked those movies anyway, well white people did, & it should be noted that Omar Sy, who plays the African caretaker, beat out Best Actor winner Jean Dujardin of "The Artist" for the French award for best actor. So if you're in the mood for a feel good movie this summer this is the one I'd see.
Now on to the 5 movies that will likely be horrible but still make more money than the above movies, outside of "The Avengers," because people are stupid.
Five to Skip:
1. The Three Stooges (April 13)
What it's about: Moe, Larry, & Curly try to save their childhood orphanage they end up involved in a murder plot, starring on a hit reality TV show, & getting hit in the head with various objects.
Why you you should skip it: I could talk about the mediocre, & that's a stretch, cast (one that originally included Jim Carrey, Sean Penn, & Benicio Del Toro before they all bailed), the fact that the Farrelly brothers have made only one better than average movie over the last 15 years, or that the original "Three Stooges" were only funny for minutes at a time before their act got old but all that would be a waste of time since you can just watch the preview &, assuming you're not a 5-year-old with a below average sense of humor, realize you want nothing to do with this giant, smoking, piece of...
2. The Lucky One (April 20)
What it's about: A Marine (Zac Efron, OMG!) returning from his third tour in Iraq finds the woman whose picture he's been carrying around, a picture he credits with saving his life, & falls in love with her because what else would happen in a Nicholas Sparks story?
Why you should skip it: Nicholas Sparks only writes melodramatic, overly sentimental, & extremely manipulative stories. Of the 6 previous movies that were adapted from his books only one overcame these faults. That movie was "The Notebook,"* & it was able to do so because Ryan Gosling is a phenomenal actor & Rachel McAdams is one of the most charming actresses alive. Zac Efron & Taylor Schilling (Who is that?) are no Gosling & McAdams. So push date night back a week & go see "The Five-Year Engagement."
*Some people will argue that "A Walk to Remember" is also a good movie. They're wrong. Mandy Moore & Shane West may be the worst two actors to ever lead a movie together, but people have trouble realizing this because they're distracted by a cute, Christian, white girl dying of cancer. If she's average looking, black, or Muslim this movie doesn't resonate with a vast majority of the people who love it. That's a fact.
3. The Raven (April 27)
What it's about: A 19th century serial killer is dispatching his victims in ways described in Edgar Allen Poe stories and the poet himself may be the only one who can stop him. Dun dun dun dun...
Why you should skip it: I like John Cusack as much as anyone who's not either related to him or my brother (He loves recounting a Roger Ebert quote about Cusack having never been in a bad film, & I'll admit I've yet to see one that is), & the great Brendan Gleeson ("In Bruges," "The Guard")* is in a supporting role here as well but I don't get a good vibe from this movie. The rest of the cast is middling, one of the writers has never written a screenplay before & the other's most recent credit was for the universally panned (& quickly cancelled) imitation of "Mad Men," "The Playboy Club," & the director is more known for stylish action, having directed "V for Vendetta" & "Ninja Assassin," than films with any substance.** Admittedly you can do worse than this film (see the 2 above) but I certainly wouldn't pay to see it.
*If you haven't seen these films but you enjoy witty but foul mouthed comedy than I highly recommend them, as they're each excellent films.
**I understand some people love "V for Vendetta," but to me it's a movie that only touches on deeper ideas but ultimately devolves into stereotype too often, mostly regarding its villains & their motivations, & is far more interested in seeming cool than anything else.
4. The Dictator (May 18)
What it's about: A ruthless dictator (Sacha Baron Cohen, "Borat") comes to America to speak at the U.N. only to be kidnapped & have his beard shaved so that no one realizes who he is. Now he must find his own way in the city of New York. We can only hope he doesn't learn to be a good person & win the love of Anna Faris' character or any shit like that.
Why you shouldn't see it: Cohen broke out with his hit program "Da Ali G Show"in which he played 3 different characters (Ali G, Borat, & Bruno) & would interview various subjects who were unaware that it was all a comedic act. He eventually made a movie starring each character. The brilliant "Borat"(which won him a Golden Globe for best Actor in a Comedy or Musical) & more hit & miss "Bruno" were both filmed in the same mockumentary format as his television show. However his first film "Ali G Indahouse"was a scripted film &, despite featuring a strong British cast, was a terribly unfunny film. I don't expect this to be that bad but the trailer doesn't fill me with faith nor does the lack of "Ali G" writers involved in favor of the guys who brought you "EuroTrip."* Like "The Raven" if you really want to see it make it part of a double feature, but do not pay for it.
*"EuroTrip" has a few good gags & is ultimately funny enough for a got nothing to do Saturday night, but you sure as hell wouldn't want to ever pay to see that movie.
5. Battleship (May 18)
What it's about: A fleet of U.S. Navy (& one Japanese!) ships led by Taylor Kitsch (Tim Riggins from "Friday Night Lights") must fight off an alien armada off the coast of Hawaii.
Why you should skip it: The preview makes it seem like "Transformers" on the ocean & the early reviews back up that it is indeed a mindless, big explosion extravaganza filled with barely developed characters & terrible dialogue. It's a shame because despite the appearance of Rihanna (who apparently is surprisingly not bad) & the beautiful but bland Brooklyn Decker, I had some hope for this movie since Peter Berg had directed some pretty good movies ("The Rundown," "Friday Night Lights,"* & "The Kingdom") & it features 2 of my favorite actors from FNL in Kitsch & Jesse Plemons (Landry)**, as well as the one & only Liam Neeson. Alas here it is though, the first summer blockbuster that you really ought to ignore.
*Berg directed FNL the movie, as well as the pilot of the TV show of which he was an executive producer.
**Apparently some people really didn't like Landry (primarily girls seem to take issue with him). I mean sure he killed like 83 people in season 2 because one of them tried to rape Tyra but whatever he was awesome whether he was being awkwardly hilarious, falling in love with a lesbian, rocking out in Crucifictorious, or kicking game winning field goals Landry was always awesome. Plus Plemons has given great, understated, comedic performances in "Observe and Report" and the soon to be cancelled "Bent" on NBC-which you really ought to watch all 6 episodes of online as it was the best new comedy of the year.
Bonus Movie to Skip:
Titanic 3D
What it's about: Billy Zane's in it. Kate Winslet gets naked. A bunch of poor people drown/freeze. DiCaprio dies.
Why you should skip it: You can go to the theatre, pay $13 for a ticket & some obnoxious glasses, another $7 for a large popcorn, $4 for a soda, & sit next to that annoying middle aged woman who won't shut up while you try your best to enjoy 3D even though no one over the age of 10 who isn't James Cameron actually likes it. Or you can pop in your DVD on your, or your friend/relative's, 50 inch flat screen with crystal clear picture, eat/drink whatever you damn well please, & have bathroom breaks only a click of the remote away. Your call.*
I know I'm late with this as most of the idiots who are funding "Avatar 2" already wasted their money.
Well that's it. If you have any thoughts feel free to share them, & I hope I was of some help & that you enjoy these next two months at the movies.
Keep up the great work!
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