The NFC Playoff Picture

Can Suh & the Lions save their season?

Now to take a look at, & make some predictions about, my favorite conference... the National Football Conference!

NFC Playoff Picture

East

Dallas 7-5     Remaining Schedule: NYG, at Tampa, Philly, at NYG

Prediction: 9-7, I like Dallas to lose twice over these last 4, to the same team. Part of this is obviously because I’m a homer, & I’ll get into another, more obscure reason below. Either way expect their games against the Giants to be close (15 of their combined 24 games have been decided by 1 possession). As for Tampa, they’ve fallen apart, & against Philly I expect Dallas to be awfully motivated to avenge the 34-7 Sunday Night beat down they experienced back in week 8.

10 Terrible Predictions & the AFC Playoff Picture

Tim Tebow's blowing up my 5-11 Broncos prediction.

Thanks to my inability to manage my time I’ve been on hiatus from the blog for about 2 months, & haven’t posted anything about sports since September 24, well it’s time to rectify that. In order to atone myself for the many horrible predictions I made in my NFL Preview I’m going to now correctly* predict how the last 4 weeks will unfold and who will make the playoffs. First though, for a good laugh, let’s take a look back at some of my horrible predictions.

*Yea, I don’t really believe that either but it’s possible. I got the Super Bowl right last season!!! Remember? You don’t? Well it happened, & I’m going to cling to that till the day I die.

My 10 worst predictions in descending order:

10.  Prediction: Bears 6-10

        Reality: They’re 7-5 & with the injuries to Cutler & Forte they’re unlikely to finish strong, but before that this was the third or fourth best team in the NFC & the biggest threat to the Packers undefeated season. This team was much better than I expected.

A look back at "Face Off," & the rest of season 4 of "Breaking Bad."

After over a season of conflict there could only be one.

Breaking Bad just wrapped up its 4^th season &… well… it was freaking amazing!  First a look back on the brilliantly named “Face Off,” what the finale means for the characters going forward, & a look back at season 4 as a whole. Spoilers galore (for The Wire & Lost as well) after the break…

This Week In TV: Tuesday

Awkward, MTV's best show. You heard me Jersey Shore!

Tuesday:

Glee (FOX at 7)-No really, I’m a straight guy. I’m serious. Whatever, I don’t care what you think! Glee used to be a good show, a show that I enjoyed, & one that I would defend when people made fun of it and/or me for watching. That lasted all of half a season and then it took a nosedive as the writers chose to almost completely ignore any character continuation, made episodes fit around the music rather than the other way around, completely forgot many of their actors’ strengths, & forever ruined the character of Mr. Schuester. Now it’s a show I watch mostly so I can mock how terrible it’s become (though every once in a while there are still glimpses of something decent), & while last week’s season premiere was no exception, this week brought some hope.

This Week in TV: Sunday & Monday

Barney Stinson, a man of many talents.

This will be a new installment on Joe’s Junk in which, every day or two, I give brief thoughts on the shows I watch during the week. In the past I’ve done in depth recaps of The Office and Community but those tend to be overlong & a number of people (including Alan Sepinwall, James Poniewozik of TIME, & the fine people at the AV Club) do a much better job of it, so now I’m keeping it short & sweet. Now I must warn you my viewing habits are odd. Some of these shows I highly recommend as the best television has to offer (Breaking Bad & Parks and Recreation) & some I would recommend to no one, but watch anyway (Glee). So this will be all over the place in terms of taste, but hopefully that will help keep things interesting. Also the grades I hand out will be somewhat arbitrary in that to some degree I’ll be grading on a curve based on what I expect from each show. A B+ episode of Castle or Glee is not likely to be better than a B- episode of Breaking Bad or Parks & Rec, & an A- episode of The Office would likely be one or two grades lower 3 years ago when it was the best sitcom on TV, so don’t take them too seriously. Enough talk, let’s do this…

Arizona vs. Oregon: Can the Cats Slow Down the Ducks? Is Zendejas the Answer? Will the Pain Finally End?

Juron Criner's scored 5 TDs against Oregon.

Ok… So that wasn’t a great start to the PAC-12 (& thank God, for a number of reasons, we’re not about to be the PAC-16). Yet another beat down against a ranked opponent. In fact in our current 7 game losing streak to D-1 opponents we lost to 2 unranked opponents by a combined 4 points, & to 5 ranked opponents by 120 points. On the plus side we hung with Stanford for most of 3 quarters & if we’d switched back to Zendejas like I’ve been calling for or if Juron Criner’s appendectomy hadn’t also removed his ability to catch touchdowns who knows what might’ve happened. Also after last year’s disappointing finish to my predictions (I correctly called every game in Arizona’s 7-1 start, & then missed 3 of 5 in their 0-5 finish) I’m 3-0 so far this year (I know only one of those is posted on here but I think you can trust I called the NAU & Ok St. games correctly). Now it’s on to #10 Oregon, the third straight top 10 team Arizona has faced, the first team to do so in 3 years. A game that absolutely no one outside of the Wildcat organization thinks they’re going to win.

Emmy Preview-Who Should, & Will, Win

The Emmys are tonight  & alas I have failed yet again to finish my major category preview (this time only getting through the comedic supporting categories). So now I’ll just list who should win & who I think will win.

Arizona vs. Stanford-Why the Stoops Haters are Wrong, What the Cats Must Do To Win, & Who Will Win

Mike Stoops is the right man to lead Arizona.

Here we go! Today the Arizona Wildcats will play their first PAC-12 game, & boy is it a big one for these Wildcats. Following a 7-1 start that saw them ranked as high as 9^th in the nation Arizona has now lost 6 straight games to D-1 opponents & the Wildcat faithful have begun to lose faith. Following last week’s blowout loss to Oklahoma State it’s not uncommon to hear even die hard Arizona fans talk about how the Cats are going to lose by at least 20 points to Stanford. Many claim Stoops is a hothead who loses control of the team in games & has shown an inability to win big games. I expect these pessimists to be wrong about this week’s game & they are clearly ignorant in regards to Stoops.

2nd Annual NFL Preview!

Jonathan Vilma is after the Lombardi Trophy.

It’s everyone’s favorite time of year again! That’s right, time for the 2^nd annual Joe’s Junk NFL Preview! Last year I shocked the world by correctly predicting the Chiefs would win the AFC West & Green Bay would win the Super Bowl over Pittsburgh, while the Buccaneers shocked me by winning 8 more games than I predicted. Hopefully this season I won’t blow any picks that badly & I can repeat my Super Bowl glory. Naw… Screw that. Hopefully I’m totally wrong & the Giants & Colts face off in the Manning Bowl! Now onto the predictions…* (Playoff teams in bold)

My (faux) Emmy Ballot: Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy

Now that's an Emmy worthy handshake.

The Emmy nominations were just announced last Thursday (see the list of nominees here) I thought I’d give my thoughts on who/what should have been nominated in the major categories. Last week I detailed my list of Outstanding Supporting Actresses in a Comedy, & today we move on to their male counterparts.

No category gave me more trouble to narrow down to six nominees, as you’ll be able to tell from my honorable mentions list, than Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy (For a look at a professional critic’s opinion click here, & for my picks last year go here). There are just so many great comedic actors & roles in television that you could pick at least a dozen different actors & be able to make a fine case that they should earn a nomination, however Emmy voters are restricted to six votes so I am as well. Without further ado here are my six picks (click on their names to see one of their highlights from this season)…

My (faux) Emmy Ballot: Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy

Alison Brie: Beautiful? Check. Hilarious? Check. Emmy worthy? You bet.

With the Emmy nominations being announced Thursday I thought I’d give my thoughts on who/what should be nominated in the major categories. Considering I watch more television than the majority of Emmy voters (who in their defense are busy making television) I’m actually more qualified than they are to decide who/what is deserving of recognition. For example they gave “The Wire,” considered by most critics one of the two best dramas of all time (“The Sopranos” being the other), only two nominations (& zero wins) in 5 seasons. That would never have happened had I been in charge.

Our first category will be Supporting Actress in a Comedy (For a look at a professional’s thoughts go here, & for my picks last year click here). Out of all the female categories this was the hardest to narrow down for while they’re may be a general lack of good lead roles for women comedically, be it on television or in film, there are a number of fine roles out there for women in complimentary roles & the women filling them are more than up to the task of making us all laugh (click on their names to see one of their highlights from this season).

2011 NBA Mock Draft

It’s time for the greatest draft of them all! No, I’m not talking about beer, or the NFL Draft, but the National Basketball Association’s Draft! But the NFL is better so there draft must be better you say? Wrong. Yes I enjoy the NFL more, however NFL teams start 22 players & hence unless you’re getting a new franchise QB it’s unlikely the draft will overly change your team for the next season. In the NBA you only start five players, so if you draft a starter you’ve just changed 20% of your lineup, that’s a huge difference. Plus while the NFL draft features boring trades like the 67^th pick for the 83^rd & 122^nd pick, the NBA Draft sees potentially franchise altering trades (Vlade Divac for the 14^th pick [Kobe Bryant] anyone?). There’s already rumors that Andre Igoudala, Lamar Odom, Monta Ellis, & Tony Parker could all be on the move tonight. To commemorate this momentous occasion my brother & I will go through the lottery (the top 14 picks) and alternate making the picks those teams SHOULD make. I’ll also give you my best guess as to whom they WILL take (something I did better last year than any major publication), my top 20 prospects, & 5 sleepers.

Why Everyone Hates the Heat

Just 8 Championships to go guys!

I hate the Miami Heat. Many people do. Most of those people also hate LeBron James, in fact he’s the main reason they hate the Heat (well, that & their bandwagon fans). Why though? What turned everyone against a player & team that prior to a year ago they had no problem with (unless of course you are a Kobe lover, or Dallas fan)?

The Heat, & their fans, have reacted all season as if the only reason people don’t like them is jealousy (as a spurned Bulls fan I can say this is one reason), despite a wealth of evidence otherwise. It’s not just the total lack of class that was The Decision & the following pep rally, it’s the fact that those involved, most notably LeBron refuse to acknowledge their mistakes. It was months before LeBron even admitted that maybe The Decision was a less than brilliant idea, but by then it was too late after he’d tried for months to hide behind it raising money for the Boys and Girls Club (if he really cared he would’ve just given the money out of the millions he makes from his contract & endorsements). Then he once again showed an inability to handle the consequences of his actions by hiding in the locker room during the player intros of his second return to Cleveland (a game the Heat lost, providing the best moment of the season up until the Finals). Finally he & Wade demonstrated a disturbing lack of maturity with their mocking of Dirk’s illness before game 5. Wade put forth the excuse that they did it because they knew the media would blow it out of proportion (LeBron gave no comment, seeming to realize they’d screwed up, or maybe he was still to busy trying to figure out where he went during the 4^th quarter of game 4). This then begs the question why do it in the first place? Why set yourself up to look like childish punks? Wade seems to think he was somehow pulling some witty little trick on the media that made them look foolish, the fact he doesn’t realize that his stunt had the opposite affect goes to the core of why people can’t stand the Heat.

The Summer Movie Preview

It’s the summer! Which means we’ll all be barraged with blockbuster movies, most of which will be mediocre (In fact we already got the mediocre “Hangover 2”!). That’s why I’m here to help you save your hard earned cash by telling you what movies are worth shelling out for (If you had any interest in “Thor”, “Bridesmaids” or “Everything Must Go” I’d recommend them as solid movies) & which ones to avoid.¹ (Note: by clicking on the name of the listed films you will be redirected to the trailer, a clip from the film, or the listed movie's imdb page.)

"The Hangover Part II" Review

“The Hangover Part II” has more laugh out loud moments than any movie so far this year, but that hardly makes it a comedy classic or even the original.*

*I don’t consider the original “Hangover” to be an all-time great comedy. It’s very funny to be sure, but ultimately it’s a bit uneven, especially towards the end. As far as 2009 comedies go I easily preferred the Paul Rudd/Jason Segal vehicle “I Love You, Man.”

The biggest problem with part two is that it completely lacks originality, one of the qualities that made the original so much fun. This isn’t overly surprising as the writers of the original have been replaced here with one of the writers of “Scary Movie 4” & “Superhero Movie” & the other two haven’t penned a decent script since “Old School” in 2003. These three titans of comedy lack creativity to such a degree that the only major shifts they make are moving the festivities to Thailand, giving us a flashback that pointlessly uses 12-year-olds in place of our leads because, you know, seeing middle schoolers drink heavily is hilarious, & upping the raunch to such a degree that instead of laughing I was stuck cringing in my seat. The rest of the movie remains largely the same,** telegraphing where many of the jokes are going, and robbing the viewer of the surprises that made the first so much fun.***

**In place of a tiger we get a monkey this time, & though slightly overused, the monkey provides a couple of the funniest scenes.

***If, like me, you fail to realize where the lost member of their group (this time Stu’s soon to be brother-in-law Teddy) is within the first half hour you’ll feel like a complete idiot when it’s revealed.

2011 NFL Draft Diary

It's time for my 2nd annual almost completely uneducated look at the first round of the NFL Draft (last year's draft diary can be viewed here). Let's do it...

#1-The Panthers go first &, no surprise here, destroy the franchise for the next half-decade by taking Cam Newton. Seeing as I’ve hated Newton since it came out that he and his dad, allegedly, took money for him to go to Auburn you can write off my criticism if you want. Fact is, however, that I’m not the only one questioning Cam’s work ethic & character. At other positions you can coast a little on talent & be an egomaniac, but it doesn’t work at the QB position (see Jeff George’s career & Bret Favre last year). I hate Jimmy Clausen & said last year he’d be garbage but this is a huge mistake. Should have traded down, taken Patrick Peterson (the best player in the draft), or Marcell Dareus.

The Real Best Pictures

The Oscars (or “Oscar” as the Academy obnoxiously insists on calling it this year) are this Sunday and “The King’s Speech” is essentially a lock to take home Best Picture over the superior “The Social Network.”* In honor of the Academy once again failing to correctly pick the best movie of the year let’s take a look back over who won the top award in film the last ten years, & who should have won.

*Nearly every critics’ award for Best Picture has gone to “Network,” which once again brings us to the insanity of awards in the entertainment industry. In sports the players and coaches do not decide who wins awards at the end of the season, rather sports writers decide the winners. This makes sense seeing as sports writers are paid to cover the entire sport, while players & coaches are merely concerned with their own teams. Yet in the movie, music, & television industries it is those within the industries, & not the critics whose job it is to judge what is produced, who decide the awards. Hence instead of having awards decided by an educated, relatively unbiased group of individuals we’re left with awards being handed out by an uneducated, petulant group of people with definitive favorites. Why? Because celebrities love nothing more than patting themselves on the back.

SUPER BOWL XLV PREVIEW!

In my pre-season NFL Preview I made this Super Bowl Prediction:

SUPER BOWL XLV

Packers 27, Steelers 23

Rodgers asserts himself as a truly elite quarterback & Green Bay wins the Super Bowl in Brett Favre’s last season (I think).

Now I don’t want to call myself a prophet but… how awesome is that?! I correctly predicted both Super Bowl teams!* Of course Sport’s Illustrated’s Peter King also predicted a Packers/Steelers Super Bowl, so I’m hardly alone, but he chose Pittsburgh to win. So there you have the one major storyline that’s been ignored by the media: Who will prove to be right? Peter King, the noted NFL reporter who’s been in the business for decades? Or Joe Matz, the 20-year-old Tucson blogger?**

*An improvement from last year when I correctly predicted the Colts appearance, but failed miserably in picking my Giants (I had the Colts winning).

**Peter & I don’t deserve too much credit since we both bailed on our picks. Before the playoffs he switched his prediction to Patriots/Packers, & I picked the Eagles over the Pack in round 1 (though I’ve been loyal ever since).

But enough about my genius, let’s take a quick look at why each team should win.

February-April Movie Preview

We've got three months to go before the summer movie season begins, but that hardly means there won't be anything to watch. I'll do my best to help you save your hard earned cash by telling you what movies are worth shelling out for, & which ones to avoid. (Note: by clicking on the name of the listed films you will be redirected to the trailer, a clip from the film, or the listed movie's imdb page).

Sunday's Divisional Round Picks

2-0 yesterday thanks to the Ravens wide receivers & a dominating performance by the Packers, let’s see if I can keep the magic going for a perfect weekend! (Home team in caps)

Seahawks (+10) over BEARS

This matchup pits two teams that I still scarcely believe won their divisions over teams (the Packers & Rams) I’d swear were better. Maybe I don’t respect either one because my Giants manhandled both (beating them by a combined 58-10) or it could be they have the two worst offenses in the playoffs (Seattle’s 28^th & the Bears are 30^th). Regardless one of them has to move on here to lose to the Packers & despite last week’s brilliant performance & their victory in Chicago in week 6 (23-20) I like the Bears. Da Bears actually have a solid defense, especially against the run (2^nd in the NFL), & by making the Seahawks one dimensional they should force them into enough turnovers to win the game (Seattle has the worst turnover differential of any playoff team -9). However I hardly expect Jay Cutler & Lovie Smith to cover such a generous spread.

Chicago 27, Seattle 20

PATRIOTS (-9) over Jets

In week 2 the Jets beat the Patriots 28-14, in week 13 the Pats took out revenge with a 45-3 massacre. So how the hell did that happen? First the Patriots played at home where they’re unbeaten this season (& where today’s game will be played), secondly Randy Moss & his baggage were gone in favor of Brady’s old favorite Deion Branch & everyman running back/Jets castoff Danny Woodhead, & Tom Brady had returned to his peak form. However the most important difference between the two games is hardly shocking at all, the turnover differential. In the first game the Pats turned it over three times to the Jets zero, in the rematch those results were reversed. In fact, despite the Patriots 30^th ranked pass defense, turnovers have proven to be essentially the sole key in beating them. The Patriots shattered the NFL record this season for fewest turnovers with nine, but they had three in each of their losses & two in their one overtime win (in those three games their opponents had only one turnover). So if the Jets plan on winning today they’ll need to win the turnover battle by at least two. Problem is the Jets are quarterbacked by Mark Sanchez & the Patriots by Tom Brady, so that ain’t happening. As for the spread Bill & Tom are going to want to lay the beat down & I’ll take my chance with them.

Patriots 34, Jets 24

Saturday's Divisional Picks

Last week we were blessed with three fantastic games, including one of the biggest upsets in playoff history (Marshawn Lynch!), & one stinker (thanks a lot Charlie Weiss. No seriously, thanks, that’s the only game I predicted correctly. ). This week we have the odd phenomenon of every matchup having already happened this season with both division rivalries in the AFC having split, the Falcons having defeated the Packers 20-17 in Atlanta back in week 12, & the Seahawks going on the road to beat the Bears 23-20 in week 6. With every team being familiar with the other this becomes an even more intriguing weekend. Now on to the picks! (Home team in caps & I’m only picking today’s games because I’ve got to get to the UA/ASU showdown)

BCS "National Championship" Pick

Tonight we get to watch the most hyped “national championship” (the quotations get removed when we get a playoff so that an undefeated team with the best defense in the country, TCU, actually gets a chance) since the epic Texas/USC game that saw Vince Young almost singlehandedly beat the defending champion Trojans lead by Matt Leinart & Reggie Bush before they all went on to fantastically successful NFL careers. One team has an explosive offense that plays at a breakneck pace; the other features the best professional quarterback in college football. Of course you already know all of this so the question is who will win?

Why Football Still Matters

Today I was going to write up and post my picks for the NFL’s wild card round, but with today’s tragic events it is difficult to look at the NFL Playoffs and view them with any kind of importance. A nine-year-old girl and as many as five others have been shot down in cold blood and a U.S. Congresswoman and at least ten others are currently in the hospital fighting for their lives. All of their family members, and indeed the entire country, are just hoping, praying, and waiting for good news to come. On such a day how can we be expected to care, or even should we care, about the results of a couple of football games? Are they not meaningless when lives hang in the balance? Would it even be right to enjoy watching a game of football today?

If your answers to the above questions are that football doesn’t matter in the wake of today’s events and we should all be focusing on praying for the victims of this heinous crime and not watching a meaningless game that’s fair enough, but I disagree with you.

Now I’m not saying that what has happened isn’t terrible (indeed terrible, or any other word, falls far short as a description), and we should all pray for the victims, their families, and the shooter. What I am saying though is that, if anything, today was a reminder that life is fleeting. Thus we should not spend all day glued to the news as the pundits recycle the same information for hours on end. Gabby and the rest of the victims will not recover any faster if you are watching CNN. Do not spend your whole day in mourning; continue to live your life as best you can. Most importantly make sure to still have fun. Take advantage of another miraculous day you have been granted on this earth and do what makes you happy, whatever it is that fulfills you. For millions of people, including myself, that will mean watching football for a few hours.